Written by: Robert Iarrobino, MA
It’s that time of year again when we find ourselves stepping into the holiday season. For many, it’s their favorite time as they celebrate traditions, gather with love ones, and make festive memories to last a lifetime. But for others, it is not the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” As a matter of fact, some may find themselves struggling with how they will survive sitting around a Thanksgiving table with family members. You may hear the same stories of the past, there will be unaddressed tension, unbearable complaints and maybe even heated political debates given this year’s election. Of course, you hope and pray this year things will be different but then you realize the stress of the holiday has arrived! But no family is perfect; and honestly, all families have some level of dysfunction. With this being said, while we can’t control what happens as we eat our escarole soup or pass the turkey, we can control how we react or respond with a little preparation. Think of it as a Thanksgiving Survival Guide.
Before your holiday dinner, know your triggers. Does your mother upset you when she asks sensitive questions or does your uncle make you angry when he talks about politics? This will help you plan how to handle those moments as they arrive. If you should lose your temper, it’s okay to forgive yourself. While your frame of mind may be to have a good time, there are always those rude comments that may come about that sets off your temper and puts a damper on your Thanksgiving dinner. Don’t be so hard on yourself if this should occur, it happens to everyone. You may also want to set limits. Limit the time you spend with your family. Keep it short and sweet. You don’t need to stay for pumpkin pie if your presence is affecting your mental health and well-being. Most importantly, be thankful. Yes, it can be stressful but you have a family to spend the holidays and with good decisions it can be enjoyable.
While many dread the holiday dinners, others dream of those big gatherings as they have no family to share this time of the year. This can leave one to feel alone and sad during a time that is known to be merry as they have no close family connections and are missing togetherness, traditions and unforgettable memories. Some say its like everyone is surrounded by holiday cheer and you are looking in from the outside wishing you can be a part of the celebration. This can be rough for anyone! Because of this, paying special attention to your mental health during the holiday season should be a gift to yourself. While you may feel pressure to be joyful, doing this may not be healthy. Acknowledge how you feel whether it be good or bad. It’s alright to feel emotional as your feelings are valid. You may also want to create solo traditions of your own. Make your favorite Thanksgiving dish! Watch that favorite holiday movie! Treat yourself! It can be anything of your choosing. And, while spending the holidays alone, can be challenging, it may help to shift your focus from what you may not be doing with family and loved ones, to what you can be doing for someone else such as volunteering your time at shelters or churches. It may not be the holiday experience that you may be looking for, however, it can create a sense of connection to others. Although your mindset may be to make the best out of the holidays, you may still find yourself facing difficulty. Speaking with a therapist can help your learn strategies and coping methods to help you through this time of the year.
